Weird time

So I have decided that I am at a weird time in pregnancy. Something happened this past week... maybe I grew just a little bit more, but I went from feeling like I was still really small to feeling bigger, and ready for the days to start flying by more than ever. I guess it could be the fact that I entered the third trimester or that I wore a pair of jeans that still fit fine, but keep me from touching the floor comfortably (I hate how the jean material folds over and makes it harder to move.) Whatever it was though, I am ready to move these days on just a little faster, so that I can really start to get the house back in order, move freely, and eat whatever I want, including Oreo cookies!

Then I look ahead and see a lot more weeks ahead, and I am just going to keep getting bigger. Then I get just a little discouraged and think, I can wait to be that big again.....

I shouldn't be complaining at all though. At least I am not one of those women who gains lots of weight, 25 pounds isn't all that bad. Nor am I one of those women who has to be on bed rest for a long period of time. I am still able to move around, provide for my daughter and husband, and lead a pretty normal life for a pregnant lady.

I have to laugh sometimes though, cause even when I am feeling ill again and don't feel like eating anything for dinner (which seems to be a lot lately), I still know what a huge blessing it is to even be where I am now. There are plenty of women out there that dream of pregnancy and not just pregnancy but as healthy of a pregnancy as I tend to have. There are so many things that can happen during pregnancy that the What to Expect books only touch the surface of, and thankfully I have never had to read a single paragraph of. I laugh though, because even with all the pregnancy stuff I do go through, I don't think Mike has a clue how good we have it.

There are times when I wish that I wasn't as low risk as I am though, just so that there would be more ultrasounds or more important conversations with the midwives and others. So I would be on bed rest and unable to really pick up the toys that Savannah scatters around the room, or have to get up from the naps that I feel like I desperately need more of most days. I stop myself though and realize that it really wouldn't solve anything. My job is that of a mom and doing the mom type stuff. I may get irritated by it some days and the menials of the task, but the fact of the matter is if I didn't do it, someone else would have to. Being on bed rest or what not wouldn't really solve anything, except to make it harder on Mike and the others that help this family. It would require getting help with Savannah, probably through paying someone, which would add to the financial burden of the family while preventing me from adding to the income. It would cause more work hours away from the home for Mike to make up for the extra expenses as well as burden him with the things that I do such as fetching the groceries and so forth. I haven't even touched on the emotional and mental issues that we would have to deal with. Would it be possible to make it, yes, cause there is no other way. But in the end is it really worth it to desire something to be wrong just to get more ultrasounds and so forth??? nope.

I wonder what it is that makes me even have to think about it. I have come to the conclusion that it comes down to just being tired, tired of being tired, and tired of waiting. Tired of being expected to have a kid on me 48 hours a day.... uh I mean 12 hours a day, being the only one to ever do laundry, wash the dishes , and run the entire household. Yet, I realize at the end of every work day that Mike has put in just as much work that day as I have, though of a different nature, and that it is just as tough on him to make it through a day as it is for me, maybe even more so. How could I ask for more from him?

In the end, I have come to rely on what FlyLady has been saying all along.... you can do anything for 15 minutes. It's funny, but its true. I can attempt to start dinner before Mike gets home or the sickness I feel starts setting in, just by putting in 15 minutes. I can do the laundry just by starting it or changing it in 15 minutes. I can even clean the bathroom in 15 minutes. Now pleasing the pleas of the hold me now child, well, lets just say you can divert her attention in 15 minutes. Most importantly though, I can change my attitude in 15 minutes. Cause the fact of the matter is, what I do may just have to be done again tomorrow, and what I do may not make one iota worth of difference to anyone else in the world, but not doing it just isn't an option. Not doing it would make a difference. Not doing it just isn't an option.

In the end, I have to find ways to make this time as productive and efficient as possible. To provide as much activity as I can that balances just getting through the daily tasks with that of adventures for Savannah. I also have to realize that making mud pies is just as much fun to a two year old as anything (though it kinda makes my stomach turn when she *tries* them.) and that it is worth turning on the sprinkler on hot days for her even when the news people are so worried about the lack of water in the state. Or for that matter, what harm can one more bath do??? And I can balance that out with productivity by working in the garden while she plays in the mud or the sprinkler. Or wiping the bathroom surfaces while she plays in the tub. (I even tried to get her to wash the bathtub for me the other day while she was in it..... I hear regular soap can do wonders.)

And then there are other things that just have to be put on the back burner right now. Like patching Savannah's eye. It needs to be done, but it isn't going to happen right now. Time is ticking with it (there is a cut off age where it will no longer work to patch a lazy eye), and it has to be done consistently for a long period of time, but consistency isn't something that is happening right now. Even nap times aren't all that consistent. Sitting on the potty isn't that consistent.... but somehow, everything is kinda being done.... I guess 15 minutes at a time. Those things such as patching that just take longer, will just have to wait a bit.

Okay, so I wasn't planning on writing this post in the first place, and now it has become rather long. Maybe it is just that I have been mulling some of it over and it's nice to just have it in complete thoughts. Maybe it is just the lack of blogging here lately has made me feel the need to write. I don't know, take it for what it is though.