The Best Laid Plans...

Have you ever noticed that the best laid plans are often the ones that always go awry?

My grandmother who passed away this past week had been fighting illness and so forth for years, and had been given weeks to live on several different occasions just to then get a little better and hold on longer. She was a fighter, I must say.

Months ago though, we started planing for baby Zoe's arrival, knowing it would be sometime in June, The actual due date to be the 28th of the month, but knowing full well that a baby can be born anytime between 36 and 40 weeks with very little if any complications, especially if labor begins on it's own. One of the ways we began preparing for Zoe's arrival though was by getting Savannah used to sleeping overnight at Grandma and Grandpa's house. That way when labor began, Mike could just take Savannah up to see them, or they could come pick her up, and neither Mike nor I would have to worry about how she was doing, or feel like we were imposing on someone to watch after her. Not only that, but we would know that she was not scared, even though she still would be constantly asking them "where's mommy?" (In case you didn't know, she is very much of a mommy's girl, and constantly keeps 100% tabs on where mommy is, only to be followed by about a 75% tab on her daddy, and about 50% tab on her grandparents. I think it boils down to, Daddy is at cars and she doesn't realize that he still comes and goes, he simply is at cars (that is her name for Auto Select). Then Grandma and Grandpa are simply at their house, or just busy. I guess what I mean is that, unless it is mommy, she is usually willing to just accept the answer given, but in mommy's case she will keep asking, never really being happy with the answer if mommy is not in the room.) Now, for the reason mentioned above, Grandma and Grandpa are not at their house, or for that matter in the state of Florida, as they are the Trustee's of my grandmother's estate, and have legal as well as family obligations to be away.

So where does that leave us. It leaves us in a place where I am feeling big, fat, and ugly - as I think most honest pregnant women feel when they are this close to the end of pregnancy... our society is one in which there is not much value in larger bellies or advanced pregnancy... it is no longer cute, but just...- and scared -again as all honest pregnant women this close to labor and delivery are - but also worried. Worried about whether or not Savannah will be okay or if she will flip out when Mom isn't there. I don't know if she is quite old enough to really understand why mom and dad would suddenly be gone (if labor happens to begin overnight) or not home by the time dinner and bedtime comes around. Thankfully, we do have the support of several people who know and love Savannah and us, but in most cases, she has never been left with them for long periods of time, much less overnight (either at their house or ours). So now I am worried about how she is going to take it if I go into labor before grandma and grandpa come back in two weeks, yet uncomfortable enough that I hope I don't have to wait that long.

Am I upset about the circumstances? no. I am not mad at my Grandma for the bad timing (as if she could have picked the day she was to pass away) and I am not upset by any means that Grandpa and Grandma had to go out there. I am just stressed. Tired, stressed, and as Savannah says that makes for a just plain old "mommy's Grumpy". Yup, Savannah you are right, mommy is grumpy these days and I really wish that you old enough that you could understand the real reason why. Either that or I really wish that during this stressful time that Mommy could really remember and see herself as God (through the bible has said He) sees her - as the special, beautiful daughter that He loves and is proud of for trying her best to follow His will for her life (without too much grumbling).