Letting go

There are a lot of different schools of thought out there about schools.

There are movements in the christian groups that the children should be home schooled. All the moms of these home school children have their reasons for wanting to home school and they are all very valid reasons. I also had been tossing around the idea, but for right now, we are a public school family..... and here is why.

Savannah has eyesight issues. The public school can afford and has access to different visual "aids" that Savannah can try out without mom and dad putting forth the financial commitment to it only to find out that it doesn't really help Savannah.

The other thing is that I don't feel that homeschooling should be the easy way out. Now don't get me wrong, homeschooling is not easy to do, and I find that the moms who do it are the greatest group of women I have met. But for me, homeschooling would be the easy way out because it would allow me to not have to grow as much..... I would not have to deal with all the other issues as a parent - I would not have to acknowledge the fears current or future, rational or irrational- that goes along with growing children. Homeschooling. at least at this age and time, would keep me as a mom from growing, from staying my own person with thoughts and feelings of my own, from continuing to learn personable skills....(I would literally be a hermit if I could).

I have also come to realize that the last three years have been very intense. Savannah just requires more that a normal child her age..... whatever age that might be. She requires more time, more attention, more whatever. It is probably due to the eye stuff...... The two weeks I have gotten a crash course in what is really meant by Savannah's "Special needs" and what really is meant by that. It isn't just a medical diagnosis...... It is more than that..... and when I finally figure out what it really means, I will let you know..... just be warned that it may take several years to be able to really express what I mean.....

That said though, in a lot of ways, good and bad, my life completely revolved around Savannah and her needs. Though we were doing well with it, it did lead to quite a bit of drain.....

But it is like the big let down after a big event..... you are so used to doing _________ that now that its over you don't know what to do anymore, and don't always feel as needed. I didn't say it was rational.