Motherhood doubt

I think all moms deal with self doubt, wondering if they are capable to be a good mom.  I agree with that. 

There has been a lot of change and stress these last few years.  I never would have thought personally that I would be where I am today in so many areas.  I am in the stages of adjusting the picture of motherhood that I had from before being married with the reality of motherhood.  There is nothing wrong with that and is actually a healthy place to come to every once in a while.

One lady mentioned that when we were young we thought when we get to be such and such and age I will have arrived... grown up completely, understand the things of life, etc.  Then we get to that point and we realize that we have yet to actually arrive because our roles as mothers are constantly morphing and changing and the carrot just keeps moving ahead of us in life.

In the last post I sounded like I was really questioning things about myself and there have been days as of late that I think I am a step away from a loony bin.  However, it was more of a general question, in light of some current personal circumstances...  what makes a good mom?

It came up in part because I had a conversation the other day with someone whose viewpoint was that if one couldn't do x y or z for her kids then God should not have allowed that person to have kids at all. 

It was not the picture of grace at all.  It also didn't allow for growth and reliance on God.  I mean it only took into account the circumstances of the current time, and didn't look beyond the immediate to allow the people involved time to grow and overcome the obstacles that are placed in front of them.  It also didn't allow much room at all for one to trust...  trust that God loves the kids more than even the parents and that there is a God out there who can be trusted that we can yield to.

I am not going to go into what x, y, or z was(is).  It got me thinking though what is the bare minimum of the makings of a good mom or dad.  Is it happy kids?  I don't think so because happiness is so fleeting and relies on feelings rather than rock solid truth.  Is it that the child has the physical necessities of life?  If that was the case then it is subjective again because it depends on what one considers the basic minimum of necessity, and that has changed over the last few decades, even more so if you compare it with centuries ago.  So what does it mean to be a good mom?

Add to that, once one has kids and things happen-- which things are guaranteed to happen-- maybe there is an accident, or maybe a medical issue like a stroke etc, how does one continue to be a good mom or dad in the face of what they have to deal with.  Does it mean that they were a good parent up to the time of the said event and then cease to be a good parent?  No.  But it depends on what the definition of a good parent is.

In the end I am not sure there is a answer to any of these questions because what it means to be a good parent is so widely varied depending on the circumstances.  I don't believe that it can be so clear cut as x, y and z prerequisites, but I do know that there has to be some level of prerequisite so that the child has the ability to grow and flourish.  For instance, a parent that abuses a child is not what most would say is a good parent...  one that allows starvation, etc to happen wouldn't be considered a good parent in America either, but in third world countries it is very much a reality and I would not say that those moms who have little resources are bad moms, simply bad circumstances.

So bring that back around.  Am I a good mom?  Yes I am, but on what standard?  No, I don't have a great designer house, sometimes I don't even have a house some type A personalities would approve of, and yes I do buy all my families clothes at garage sales.  I will even admit that I have bought gifts at garage sales.  There are days where I struggle to make it though the day with every one's emotions still intact. There are days when my brain doesn't work the way it should and I forget important things, and times when it seems like I just don't measure up and that there are perpetual rain clouds... but my kids are fed, loved, and protected, there is laughter in the house amongst the tears and overall it is a good life mixed among the other things of life...  and even if something were to happen that prevented me from even being able to do the things I do now, I would still be a good mom, because it isn't as subjective as one might think.  I am a good mom simply because God loves me for who I am, where I am in my life right now and because I try... because I try to grow and bloom with the resources and talents that God has given me today, in this minute.

It is as one older lady put it...  One day you will look back and the times of the kids being young will seem to have flown by....  but in amongst those fleeting moments will be lots of really long fifteen minute segments.

What about you?  How would you answer these questions in life?